The route to home education

The great home education project started with a bit of a whimper. Blue was struggling at school. Almost every day I was getting a phone call asking me to come and pick her up because she had had a panic attack and needed to come home. When I got to school she was often spaced out, shivering and stuttering. She was full of guilt and shame and confusion about why it was that she could not cope. 

So to begin with she was staying at home for a few days in the hope that a bit of a rest and time to catch up on her work was enough to get her back on track. After the October half term, during which she had received her diagnosis of Asperger's, she managed two and a half days before we decided that enough was enough and she needed longer than a few days away. We arranged for work to be sent home and tried to help her keep up with what her classes were doing by following the school website. It wasn't long before that was clearly not going to work either. Her TAC team made a an appointment to see her at the end of January, during which time she was to try to get into school for clarinet lessons or other very stress free activities. However, the school work was impossible to keep up with when she was getting no input from he teachers. We arranged what we could but going into school was so stressful that the lessons were useless. Finally, the school contacted us about science. Timed practical assessments were coming up and they didn't see how she could take them. It was already clear to us that this was not a situation that could continue so, with the support of the school, we withdrew her.

This term has been a long slog for me. I have been working for four mornings a week. I leave Blue at home with some homework and come back at lunch time. I have been arranging tutors and trying to make decisions about how many gcse's and which ones she should take. If she had been able to cope with schools she would have taken ten exams which is ridiculous. I think we have cut it down to six, which feels too little but on the other hand, means she ought to find it easier to pass the ones she takes. She may push it to seven but that is up for discussion! 

For now, in the week before half term, I think we have reached a kind of equilibrium. Blue cannot work unsupervised. She simply refuses to, even if someone is in the room, unless they can see her computer screen, or paper, she doesn't work. It is frustrating but it is as it is. I am not keen to pile guilt onto her. I am not sure I understand how hard it is for her to simply exist. So I am being as calm as possible, in the hope that she will accept that I am doing my best. I also think that we could easily go down the wrong track here if I get angry all the time. If I want her to work, which I do, because I want her to realise her goals, she needs my support. So I have to swallow my concern and show her how to make the best of this situation. 

For the moment she is taking English literature, English language, maths, French, science, Jewish studies and possibly latin. We are going to study Latin and take a decision later on about the exam. She needs six a-c grades to go to the school she wants to for sixth form so that is what we are aiming for. She also is having art lessons, because she loves art and deserves encouragement there.

So that is where we are after half a term. I think, hope we have a structure and a modus operandi and a way forward. We will see!